I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
