sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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