The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
