yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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