she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize