I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
