I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize