WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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