I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
