mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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