Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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