Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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