So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
