why do cheetos always look like penises
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
