you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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