i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
FUCK WHALES
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
