he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
