Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize