for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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