something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
