We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
