So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize