Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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