TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I did not marry a roomba.
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