hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
