Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
