He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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