The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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