I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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