What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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