Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
