i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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