i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
