i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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