it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
