I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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