Porn is love you can see.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you inspire me to be a worse person
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize