i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
