Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
