Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
