New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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