I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
