You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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