Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
