Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
