sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize