Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
