Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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