I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
