I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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