Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She bit a glass in half.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
