So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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