No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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