I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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