mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
