Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
