If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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