So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
