It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
