i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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