Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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