he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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