the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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