ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
