is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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