Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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