Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize