They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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