you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
