Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
