It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
