We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
